Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A Short Visit

Ever so softly Kelly-Anne stroked my right hand this morning as I  lightly slept. She woke me as the sun shone through our bedroom window. As I awoke, I knew she was nearby. Her message was clear, it was time to wake up and face the the new day with optimism and hope.

Another bright summer morning. I feel renewed, strong and ready to meet new people and see new places. An new challenge awaits me.

I know Kelly-Anne has my back.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Orphaned

Two children age  four and three months  have lost their parents. This is tragic, the murder last week of Samantha Higgins is so upsetting, so painful and senseless. Looking at  Samantha's mother's face only brings back the despair and emptiness that I once  felt. She and her family have a long road ahead of them.

 In most murder cases of this nature, the boyfriend is the first  person the police look at. I  question  like many what happened that night. Who was minding the children as they slept ? Did  he leave them alone ?  These children have lost their mother and father. A first degree murder charge will keep  Nicholas Fontainelli in  prison forever, I hope. Those children need the love and support of their extended  family.

There is  so much we do not know at this point, but the story will unfold in court. I just hope that the accused takes responsibility for the crime and pleads guilty. It is wish full thinking on my part, but it is the only way the family can be spared a lengthy trial. Canadian laws protect the accused until proven guilty. Even if he is convicted, Fontainelli will have a month to request an appeal.

As I have said on many an occasion, our laws need to be more like the United States. However with the new crime bill, this accused should  remain behind bars with no eligibility for  parole. These are the people we do not want on our streets ever. It becomes a larger financial burden for Canadians to house these offenders, but I feel it is best that we protect our streets.

Now it is time for the Higgins family to get the support they need to help them understand what lies ahead. I wish them courage and strength.  Rest in peace Samantha.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The Innocent

He was unhappy that he was getting a divorce. He had children and the youngest was only 10 months old. An innocent babe with no one to protect him from a father that couldn't deal  with rejection and God only knows what else.  We learnt of this murder-suicide a few days after another man with financial issues takes down a notary  and a lawyer, both in the prime of their lives. The man returns home and kills his two sons and then ends his own  life. I have said it before and now will repeat myself...if you can't cope with life and do not want to live and face your hardships and feel that ending your life is the only recourse you have...well I ask that you  leave everyone else alone especially your wife and children and just  leave this world however you choose to do so. 

The father kills his innocent baby as revenge so his wife and remaining children can live in pain for the rest of their lives.This irrational blinded thinking is something that I still  have a difficult time to grasp. This is domestic abuse at its worst. 

I can only think that people who commit murder-suicide are so blinded. All they see are four black walls that surround them. They cannot see pass those walls and have a way of hiding their true feelings or intentions. The cover up of being the nice neighbour. It is true we do not know what goes on in other peoples homes. Abuse is so loud to the people who live inside these walls but so silent to those who walk pass and admire the pretty flower beds that line their front doors.

Everyone has a cross to bear. I feel that I have faced the worst. When I listen to others tell me about their problems (and for some strange reason people have a way of opening up to me) I see that their problems do  have solutions. However, for them they have a very difficult time believing that there is a solution. I understand these people. For them this is the biggest challenge that they have ever faced and I won't minimize their pain.To truly understand one's pain one must have to walk in their shoes. And of course we don't wish that on anyone. At lease I don't.


Monday, May 4, 2015

And the Signs were Present.....

This past weekend of sun, joy, laughter and tears will never be forgotten. It was quite a wedding. Different from the traditional perspective of how many of us have been brought up, but it was REALLY Kim and Joe's wedding.

And  through it all, Kelly-Anne was present. The signs were all there. We checked in at our hotel only to be given the pass card to room number 128. I chuckled....of all the rooms in the hotel we got one with the number 28 in it...Both Kelly-Anne and Kim were born on the 28th of the month.  We proceeded to the room and opened the door to be greeted with a vase sitting so perfectly on a shelf filled with pussy willows and tiny shining  rocks. At that point I stopped dead in my tracks. I still have the  pussy willows that Kelly-Anne  once owned now sitting  in a vase on a shelf in our bedroom at home. Looking at the  rocks, it reminded me of the little rocks on Kelly-Anne's plaque at the cemetery. It is a Jewish tradition to leave rocks at a cemetery when one visits. It is suppose to let the person who has passed know that someone has visited.

On the wedding day, my dearest friend  and her husband joined us at Kim and Joe's house before proceeding to the ceremony. She had not seen my granddaughter since her baptism. My friend remarked to me that that as she laid  eyes on Paige, all she saw was Kelly-Anne. As I  have said before, God allowed the soul of Kelly-Anne to be put into Paige. No one can tell me differently on that subject !

At the pond, the wind  blew ever so slightly that my husband Jules felt the breeze across his face and wept. I held onto his arm to comfort him while my throat swelled with emotion.

At the dinner afterwards, the bridesmaid stood to make a toast  to Kelly-Anne. I though that was very dear and kind of her to do so. Kelly-Anne will never be forgotten no matter  what happens in our lives. She is such a  big part of everything that is happening to all of us. I truly believe she  smiled and danced for her sister and  embraced the joy of the day. Never far is she...... to those that believe.

Friday, May 1, 2015

An Opportunity Denied

Last evening we decided to have an earlier dinner as hubby and I still had to decide what to pack for our weekend away. As such Canadian weather can sometimes surprise us even though the weather network is calling for a summer like weekend. 

As I start to poke at my colorful dinner plate of arugula salad and grilled chicken or what  Jules would call grass or rabbit  food, he decided to start  our supper conversation with " So, do you think you will be okay on Saturday? " Do you think you will cry? I wondered for a moment where that was coming from, then he said which of course  brought my heart to my throat..."Kelly-Anne should of had a chance to have had this too." As my throat seized up and my eyes swelled with tears, I replied,  "yes you are right, she should of have had this opportunity to marry."

Our conversation went into a stand still and dinner  continued with a  rerun of Two and a Half Men. I thought  how deep Jules thinking is at times. I think he made these comments because he senses greatly the loss we will face even tomorrow as Kim weds. Kelly-Anne should of been by her sister's side on her very special day. Kelly-Anne should of had a chance to have met a partner who would of loved her to the moon and back, but no her life was ripped away.

I remember today all other women who should of had an opportunity to be loved and not murdered. These women, like Kelly-Anne did not deserve the treatment they received  from men who decided to intervene in God's plan. An abundant  life denied of love, family, careers and adventure.

I am thankful that tomorrow Kim will have standing beside her loving friends and family. The sun will shine and I will look for that ever so  slight breeze off the  off the pond. It will be Kelly-Anne's message that she is near and dancing for her sister.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Life Means Life

 Time has flown passed me in a flash since my last post. Getting over Maya's death  was not easy. We finally adjusted to not having her around us. I think Jules was more concerned about Sylvester and Naji falling into a depression, but cats like humans have  a certain resilience.

February brought me an unexpected invitation to meet and address Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Minister Steven Blanley. I spoke about my recent visit to the parole hearing this past November and I  made a few suggestions  about what should be changed regarding  the laws governing eligibility for parole. My suggestions were heard !

Later that day  I attended a press conference where the  Prime Minister announced that  the Charter for Victims Rights would be passed in the House of Commons. For him and the Conservatives, life means life. Going forward it will be much more difficult for someone  to get paroled if they  are repeat offenders. It is all good. We are moving in the right direction. I commented to one of his staffers that this present government is the first government in my  life ( and I  have had many prime ministers!) that has actually recognized victims of crime and is  working  towards making the necessary changes to better protect Canadians. It was a wonderful opportunity to be in the company of the  Prime Minister. I truly appreciated the day and was honored to have been invited.

Last week, I officially finished working. My office was sold and I spent many a day training the new owners on the ins and outs of the business. It is bittersweet. The past three years were the best time of my  professional life. I learnt so much, met wonderful people, saw our beautiful creations of God almost every day. I am now in transition. Only God knows what lies ahead, but I can honestly say I am not worried.  I will end up in the right place. Another adventure awaits me ! Another job where I can continue to make a difference in other  people's lives..... it is  the only job I will accept.

It seems that since leaving work I have not had a minute of quiet time. Spring cleaning, exercising, swimming  and preparing for a very special wedding next week. Kim & Joe will marry. I look forward to this joyous day, but know my heart will be heavy not having Kelly-Anne with us. I know I have to smile and embrace the day and the love that  shines between my daughter and her wonderful partner. They both deserve the day to be beautiful and happy. I know Kelly-Anne will be beaming from Heaven and sending  love to her sister in  her very own special  way.


Thursday, February 5, 2015

Maya

On January 27th Jules and I tearfully said our goodbyes to Maya our almost 15 year old cat. Maya came into our lives via Kelly-Anne and Kim. According to Kelly-Anne, I needed a new friend. Maya soon became the head of the household. She was curious and into mischief in her  kitten years. We enjoyed her spunk and playfulness. She was one of my best friends.

We had many occasions to do girls things. It may sound funny but there were times she would sit on the bed as I tried on various outfits trying to decide which one to wear. She patiently would sit there watching my fashion show. Once she was satisfied with what I had on, she would  jump off the bed and leave the bedroom. I would  laugh and say to myself  that she likes what I am wearing or she is just just plain fed up with my indecisiveness. Maya also loved being in the spot light. Whenever a reporter or cameraman came to the house, Maya somehow find a way to interrupt filming. She would either get her face in front of the camera or try to claw away at a chair. She knew that I would stop and  yell at her resulting in another interruption.

The reality is that Maya consumed our lives joyfully. She tolerated a little brother and eventually a little sister. She greeted us up to a day or two prior to her passing at the front door upon our return from work. She was in charge of the house and was  respected by her siblings.

There is a void in the house. We are adapting. I do know that Maya is in a better place where  she has no pain. She has been reunited with Kelly-Anne. They can now continue to play ball as I clearly remember like it was just yesterday Kelly-Anne throwing a ball at Maya to run and catch.

Saying goodbye to Maya felt like again we came full circle with Kelly-Anne. Maya was part of our history, she was a part of Kelly-Anne. Our little cat angel. Rest in  peace.