Thursday, June 6, 2013

On a Cloud

Getting back into the daily routine was very hard after spending time in Alberta visiting our  granddaughter. Ah, what a joy and a blessing is she. Saying goodbye at the airport was rough for all of us and even  harder when the plane took off into  mid air. I sat there crying as I knew there was no turning back....you know the movie scenario when the plane is  taxing  on the tarmac and all of a sudden  the plane stops, the  door opens and the beautiful  women steps out and runs down the stairs into the arms of the man she loves. Only in movies...oh I  had  wished that were the case. I just couldn't  get enough of  her cuddles, smiles and oous and ahs.

Everyday she seems to change. People tell me that she has my eyes. I say she now looks like her Dad, but I do see the resemblance  of myself in her eyes. Babies change so quickly.  Kim is constantly stimulating her with music, exercises and even reads to her. Elmo and Dog are her two buddies who hang with her in her stroller and on the floor.

The routine of motherhood has set in for Kim. She is enjoying every minute of her new responsibilities of  nurturing her baby. And what a mom she is! I couldn't be prouder.

Things have changed since I was a  young mother. I was not with Kim a day when she said to me "Mom, why are you questioning everything I do?" I responded  by saying that I am not questioning what she is doing, but questioning how so many things have changed. I wanted her to  know that  I wasn't questioning her personally as she was  doing things the way they are to  be done in 2013. I am still stuck in the 80's with baby and child stuff.

Returning to the hotel each night, I laid in bed thinking of the days events and about how much Kelly-Anne is missed at this time. I look at our granddaughter and see this precious life which gives me hope, strength and courage to continue to forge forward. She has  allowed me to renew my confidence within myself and somehow is telling me that a little  bit of Kelly-Anne lies within her.  Kelly-Anne's niece is telling me to be happy and let go of the pain. Through the tears, I can now smile.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

A Message from a Stranger

A few months ago, I was at my hairdresser getting  a hair revamp if I may call it that. While sitting and waiting  for the dye to settle on my  roots I picked up a conversation with a  women  next to me. For me, it is a common occurrence to  talk to people while at the hairdresser.  The women told me that she was retired from the hospital where Kelly-Anne had  succumb to her wounds. We talked for only  a short while and she told  me a little about her work and  I  told her  how amazing that hospital is but sadly Kelly-Anne could not be saved. It wasn't a long conversation as we both shortly went off to our hair stylist for our cuts.

The lady finished getting her cut  prior to me but before she left the salon she came to where I was  and said," You know we may  never meet again, but I feel that your daughter Kelly-Anne sent me here today to give you a message. I feel that it was meant that we meet  today. I want to give  you her message that she wants you to be happy and to do what  you need to do to move forward." I sat there with tears streaming down my face as my  hairdresser gently patted my arm.

I have not forgotten that moment and feel the same as that lady, that we were meant to meet that day so she could give me a message. I realized that  after that meeting, my life started to  change even more so. Another page was turned  which included more healing and acceptance of Kelly-Anne's  death. It was like a weight was lifted off my  shoulders. I know now that  Kelly-Anne is at peace. She is alright and still continues to watch over all of her family and friends. She knows she is not forgotten. Now I can move forward with my life...to not fear the future, to embrace every day as a new  day, a gift. I am able to say that I love my life, my husband, my daughters, my grandchild, my son -in law, my three crazy feline friends, my human friends and my business and my employees.

Life has fallen into place. I am where I am suppose to be right now. Thank you to the lady delivering that special message from Kelly-Anne. I  do not even know her name, but know that she was sent from Kelly-Anne that day.   Kelly-Anne used this angel on earth to get to me. How wonderful is that !

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Lost For Words

In the early morning of April 2nd our granddaughter made her entrance into our world. Lost for words is how  I can only describe what I felt at that moment. Obviously we knew for the last  nine months that  Kim was going to have a baby, but when the moment of her birth day finally arrived, this little person literally took my breath away. It has taken me since then to sit in front of  my blog to write about her beauty, her body language, her hair and how alert she is. I am in awe and finding the words  to describe how I feel is  really not easy, even now.

Each day I  see new pictures of her....she looks like she loves fashion.....love her little outfits. She shows  us her large  hands and long artistic looking fingers...what is all that about I ask....oh maybe she will play an instrument or  enjoy drawing. Only the future will tell. What I did not expect was the amount of dark hair and how much she looks like Kim when  Kim was born. Seeing my  daughter so blissfully in love  with her baby and her partner brings me so much joy.

Now how do I really feel being a new grandmother........proud, energized, walking  on a cloud. She has changed my life. I am only angry over one thing which has brought me to tears and that is why isn't Kelly-Anne not here to share this moment with us. So not  right...just imagine if she were with us on earth, Kell would have stopped what ever she was  doing,  hopped on a plane and surprised Kim.  Kell  would of embraced this occasion in  her own special way. I know Kelly-Anne knows that she is an auntie now and I know she is watching over the baby. But my heart is still in pain. 

I rejoice that my granddaughter is healthy, that she is loved and surrounded by wonderful people. Jules  and I look forward to our  trip out west this spring. We can't wait to take her shopping....baby needs to learn at a young age how to shop for a bargain !

I feel now I can relate to all the new grandmothers - to -be who come into my office on a daily basis. They are so excited to have a first hand peek of  their grandchild. New birth, new life, such a beautiful gift to be appreciated, to be love and respected.

I am embracing the time I have with my granddaughter. I am proud of Kim and know she and  her partner will be exceptional parents. Oh how motherhood and grandmother hood  can change you...I have truly won the lotto !!

Monday, March 25, 2013

40 Weeks

I laid in bed  last night thinking about Kim and the soon to be arrival of  the baby. 40 weeks has finally arrived and it seems that the baby is not  quite ready to come out and face the world.  Alot has been going through my mind about how Kim's labour will  be. She said something very profound to me a few weeks ago....something that I  support and truly believe in as I  use the same thinking in facing life's challenges.

We were talking about labour  and how my labour was when I was  giving birth to  Kim. Kim said that she would  have a natural  birth with no meds. She said she had  passed through the worst pain in her  life so this was going to be easy. I was so proud to hear those words from her  as  I have adopted that thinking after loosing my job after 28  years of service back in 2009.  A sudden homicide of a loved one is the worst thing anyone could go through, so whatever happens  later in life that seems dramatic, for me  can be dealt with much easier. I passed a colonoscopy a few years ago with no meds. The doctor  kept on offering and I kept on refusing. I said to him and the nurses that  I had already passed the worst pain in my life so this would be peanuts as compared to the pain Kelly-Anne had suffered.

Jules and I both faced job losses and we both continued to forge forward. Yes I did find my  dream job and Jules continues with much  gusto even with  doors closing in front of him. He is so resilient.

I know this week will be a life changing week for our family especially for Kim and her boyfriend. A new life filled with adventures, joys, tears....motherhood and fatherhood.

As we approach  Passover and Easter, I find it fitting that new life in our family happens this week. Irony.........or maybe Kelly-Anne again is using her angel powers.

Blessings to all of you !


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Page Project

The pages of our life tell the story of how we would like to be remembered. After much soul searching, I finally came  up with an idea of what I  could do for my new granddaughter. I wanted her to have something that would last forever, something that she could use and  bring to life which would  fill her with  fond memories and allow her to continue our legacy even after I leave this  world.

Because I have a love of cooking, I decided to create a  scrapbook of recipes  old and new. Recipes that  go back to when Kelly-Anne and Kim were little girls. I have divided the book into many sections and have  joyfully created interesting projects  with colorful pictures such as a little girl's tea party that she could do at some point. There is a section on our Lebanese heritage including Kim's favorite Lebanese  dish...kibbe balls ! There is also a roast beef recipe that Kell loved. She could  cook up a storm. Kim, since being away has  become very creative in her cooking style. She has sent me many pictures of her beautiful platters, especially her appetizers.

Cooking with children has to one of the most fun things to do. I know that Kim will take the time with her daughter  to teach her the many techniques that she  has.  Creating this book has brought my emotions to the surface. Looking back at some of my hand written recipes which are included in the the  book, remind me of the style of cooking and fun recipes that the  girls looked forward  to. One thing for sure, I never had a problem getting the girls to try something different....they may of not particularly enjoyed  the meal, but at least they gave it a shot. I hope my granddaughter grows  up with an apprecitation and a curiosity for food.  

The book is not yet completed. I don't think baby will be needed it any time soon.......the Page Project is a work in progress with an abundance of love poured into it.



Friday, February 1, 2013

February Already !

I have  just been reminded that we are  already at February 1st....what happened to January, I asked myself early this morning. Time seems to be going at a speed  that is faster that I can keep up with. It has been busy at work with  the challenges of renovating the office and dealing with contractors and sub contractors  which is a totally  new phenomena for  me. I  have learnt that there is lot of politics involved....mostly he said, she said stuff....all nonsense. At the end of the day, I just want a
nice welcoming and  functional office for the many clients who visit us.

January also brought me day dreaming especially during a couple of nasty cold weeks about my flip flops who are warmly stored in  my bedroom closet. I have said to many, I  really am a summer person. January brought also many challenges for my hubby. He is actively looking for a job. CV's are sent out  every day and few even get acknowledged. I keep telling him the right  job will be  yours at the right  time and that  Kelly-Anne will help you. Jules had been bored and even attempted to cook a meal or two..... the effort was there and I  graciously ate the meals...Enough said on that....

Somethings that I hoped would change for 2013 like  homicides, however have not. Another women has been murdered in Montreal last  night. Apparently she was stabbed. Earlier in January we learnt that a 12 year old boy killed his 16 year old brother with a gun.  Why I ask did this child have access to a gun....everyone has  a different take on who really is responsible for the  murder.

Looking forward to the rest of this month reminds that this is the month of love....well every month should be the month of love for that matter. But for myself and my hubby, we will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. We also look forward in anticipation of Jules becoming employed...we are being positive that he will find the right job. Next week I will take a few days off and pretend it is summer.....meaning if you are looking for me, you can find me swimming in a local pool. It is time for me to unwind and reflect. The water has an amazing effect on me.

Jules and I  have both been havng crazy dreams....but  I did have one beautiful dream. I dreamt I was  holding my new granddaughter. She was wearing a blue and white stripped  knitted  hat in the dream....so I am wondering if Kim will have  a little surprise of her own when the baby is born. Let's wait and see!

Wishing all of you  a happy February. Do whatever you choose to make the month an exciting time.








Sunday, December 23, 2012

Christmas

 The short breads are  finally baked and sitting untouched in a tin. The meat pies will be  created tomorrow. Jules and decided that this year we could keep the festivities on the quiet side and just enjoy the time together. Somehow, plans have a way of changing and we have ended up accepting  invitations from friends to join in their festivities. And that is okay...I'll just share some of my goodies with them. We can't show up empty handed.

Jules though it fitting to play some Christmas music this  morning while I baked. The song I'll be Home for Christmas just seemed to hit a nerve and I found myself thinking about Kelly-Anne again not being here with  us. My thoughts also led me to  the many who have lost their life recently to homicide in particular the three darling children who's mother has been accused of  killing them in Drummondville. I have such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that a mother took the lives of her own beloved children. My thoughts are also with  the  children of Guy Turcotte  who he killed. He is a free man this Christmas and I  just can't get over that fact. All this to say that our Canadian justice system needs alot of revamping.

Christmas is the time  for  family. It is not about  what is wrapped under the tree, but more about why we celebrate  Christmas. We are looking forward to going to church on Christmas Eve and rejoicing in the birth of The Saviour.

Our family is looking forward to the birth of our grandchild. Next Christmas will be different as the baby will consume our  holiday season with love and joy.

Whatever your beliefs are, I wish you a very  Merry Christmas and all the best for a Happy, Healthy and Loving New Year. Peace,  joy, acceptance and understand of  others is something our society needs to work on.  My hope for the year to come is that we can all respect one another and the value of each other's life.